React or Respond?

Why is it so hard sometimes to live out what we proclaim to believe?

Recently, I was checking my engine one evening, and this random woman comes over and stands by my car.  I’m in the corner of the parking lot, so I gave her a nod and just assumed she was waiting to be picked up.  A few minutes go by, and she offers to hold my flashlight for me.  I politely refuse: I’m gonna be here awhile, and I’ve been holding it in my mouth.  Another few minutes. She lights up a cigarette, and I’m starting to get annoyed by this woman who is now contaminating my air and loitering.  I relent after a while and let  her hold my flashlight for a couple of minutes.  My friend stops by to pick something up, we exchange a few words, the lady is still here.  I just keep working on my car, and respond to some surface level conversation. She asked, “Do you live around here?”  ”Yeah, my apartment is just right there.”  Eventually she says “Can I…” and trails off as she gestures in the direction of my apartment.  Confused, I ask what she said, and she says “Can I stay?” as she points toward my apartment again.  At this point I have been thoroughly annoyed and convinced that she is a creeper, so my immediate reaction was “We don’t have any room. I’m sorry.”  Then she turned around and left, at which point I realized she wasn’t waiting for anyone, she was just awkwardly trying to make the acquaintance of a stranger in the hopes of finding a place to stay for the night.

Now, it’s generally not advisable to just let random strangers stay over in your place.  They could steal your stuff, or hurt you while you sleep.  But what bothered me most was that I reacted rather than responded.  I still could have helped her in some way.  My first instinct was to lie and say that we had no room.  Of course we have room, there’s a futon bed in our living room!  And even if there weren’t, the floor indoors is better than a bench outdoors.  I was also upset that I apparently didn’t  care enough to ask her what’s going on.  ”You need a place to stay for the night?  Did you get stranded, are you lost, what’s your story?”  I didn’t ask any of those questions.  Maybe that could have given me insight into a way that I could help, whether that means food or a phone call or giving her a ride somewhere.  All I know is that my reaction is not something that I’m proud of.  I don’t want to be a jerk.  I want my reactions to be filled with compassion, not to put up a wall.

My friend recently started a project with the goal of being more focused on God on a regular basis.  It’s called the Story of Yellow, and this incident made me want to start participating.  Check it out, and let me know what you think.